Believing that there is such a thing as being too productive, I decided to take time out of my busy schedule to tell you how my views on the art of blogging have been influenced by the L word.

While I was in my school in a small midlands town, there was so little to do that towards the end of my stay I started having to experiment with tv shows in order to keep myself busy. So the L word was one show I was driven to. Honesty compels me to admit that it was one of the better shows I saw that year.

I remember one episode when one lesbian with bi tendencies was getting involved with a man who believed he was a lesbian (you need a twisty mind to see how it could work, but it is logically consistent. The common sense factor is something else entirely) Anyway she had hetero sex with the guy and made a crack about lesbians and equal time when the guy said that he only has sex as a lesbian.

The point though is that this obsession with equal time that lesbians have is reflected in large part in the blog community interaction.

You comment on my blog, I comment on yours. I'm on your blog roll, you are on mine. You comment on mine, and I don't on yours, you notice. I recommend you, you berra know whats good and recommend me or someone's going down. However the most props go to reader response. I comment on your blog and you comment on my comment and so on and so forth (If you can't figure out how this relates to lesbians then...) Basically each person has to help the other to get off. No one is allowed to just lie there and "enjoy".

In closing, I suppose I could just have said that blog interactions are governed by symbiotic relationships, but you gotta admit that this analogy was a lot more fun.

Imagine a young lady in her mid to late twenties, living in Lagos and commuting two to three hours twice a day from her cushy financial services job to her parents’ house in GRA Ikeja. She is making a fairly good living and with a couple of friends can afford to rent a three bedroom in Lekki somewhere between second and third roundabout or if she is really lucky and really looks, in phase 1. She tells her parents about this plan only to be told that she cannot move out of the house until she is married. She is upset, but ultimately agrees and continues commuting.

Now if you are not Nigerian you are thinking WTF and if you are Nigerian you are thinking, “So what’s your point?” That is my point.

One of the things I have noticed since I moved back is that people generally act as if you are awarded grown up status. That one day, your parents will suddenly decide that you are a grown up and respect your right to make your own decisions. All I gotta say is that “you are going to wait long.” No one hands you a certificate of adulthood. The only way you get to make your decisions is to make your decisions. I think the definition of adulthood can be summed up in this phrase “take what you want, and pay for it later.” It does not mean buy on credit, but rather that you be willing to accept the consequences of your actions. However, what happens is that most of us don’t want to bear the consequences, and want our parents to. The person who bears the risk takes the reward, which in this case is decision making. Most of us realize that, and so in the end (regardless of how much we fight) do what the parents want in the end

I am not saying that people should tell their parents to jump of a cliff, however you should put their opinions in perspective. Ideally your parents should be your most trusted advisers (if you trust their advice, which is a whole other thing), but you should take the responsibility for the final decision. Not just because it is your life, but because it is your responsibility.

What a lot of people do is to wait for financial independence, which tends to make sense. Because the more financially independent you are, the easier it is to transition to making your decisions regardless of what your parents want you to do. Go back to the original case. I would wager that due to the financial independence thing, ten years ago practically every woman would have been that lady. Today I would guess that it would be about three-fourths and in another ten years it would be barely a quarter.

I suppose it boils down to what we think it would cost us to “stand up” to our parents. If you are financially independent, it costs you “nothing”. If you pay only for your petrol and phone cards it could cost you a lot. I mean that VI apartment and the M5 might be pretty good reasons to give up your autonomy. Ultimately this is a decision that everyone has to make themselves. I just get continually surprised by the fact that people don’t admit this, and generally blame it all on their restrictive parents who are blind to the realities of life in today’s world.

Intro
Work's been kicking my arse recently so I have not been my normal proficient self. This week should be easier and y'all should expect bangers all day every day. First up of course is your weekly dose of corper as if y'all didn't know.

Azadus to your health amongst other things (Day 11)
It seems that Guiness was so pleased with the money they had been making that they brought Azadus to perform at the stand. The guy came in played two songs complained about the sound system and how he couldn't hear himself and left. 1o mins & that was it. The only good thing was that after he left the party started rocking.

One of the compulsory activities in camp is the man 'o' war prog where you run obstacle courses like you see in movies only I missed mine cause I thought we were having a lecture and so I was busy talking to a couple of girls while the man 'o' war was going on. Luckily for me some people were on march past and so I was able to put my name down as someone who just hadn't gone yet.

I know I said that this camp was so not rustic, which is true to some extent but it seems that the mobile toilets they decided to bring were determined to be as rustic as possible. They are bloody holes in the ground! The balancing act one requires not to soil oneself is worthy of an olympic gymnast. Still needs must. Constipation is not something you want to carry with you when you have 5-6 hours of physical exercise. With that lovely thought I did you good day.

Unnecessary Qualification
For those of you that don't know Azadus is the guy that sang madam. If I was up on you tube posting I would have put the video on here. He also had one other song that he is known for, but honestly it was the wierdest concert I had ever heard off. Oh and the man 'o' war in the lagos camp is not the real thing like u have in delta or kano, they just bring in a wall and make u climb. I also think I said enough about the DMT.

One of the things taking the nigerian blog community by storm is Diamondhawk's Blogger Bachelorette with Uzo as the Bachelorette. I like the concept but didn't drop a comment cos I had nothing to say opinion wise on the bachelor bloggers who were posting and I stumbled across it after the initial "great concept" comment stage was over. Anyway on the last post I read, Uzo posed the question "What kind of guy would you advise your sister to marry?" All the guys had similar answers about good Christian, loves you, faithful and things in the same vein.

When I read the question I did not even had to think about my answer and it is barely one sentence long. The kind of guy I would advise my sister to marry is one that is strong enough to let my sister be as strong as she is able to be.

This is not about their answers per say and whether mine is better or not, cos those qualities they mention are desireable, its just that even with those qualities the man may not be good enough from the way I look at it. I mean you can love your wife, or be a good christian and be faithful and not be able to deal with the fact that your wife is smarter, better, or more successful than you. So what happens in those cases is that the man resents the woman, or the woman limits herself so as not to outshine her husband and resents him, or the marriage falls apart and they resent each other. None of these are acceptable outcomes.

Now people can and do say that you make sacrifices for love, but to me equality does not come with exceptions and so I don't think this should be one of the sacrifices. If you would not expect a man to limit himself for his wife to feel better, then you should not expect it from the woman.

If you are the type of man that cannot deal with a wife who has the potential to outshine you, then marry someone that can't outshine you. Women do the same thing, they marry someone and then they bitch about how he cannot handle the fact that she is "whatever." If you know you are going to be or have plans to be "whatever", then marry a man that can handle it.

Another thing that people say is that they were pressured into their marriage by their family, friends and what not, (basically saying it was not their fault). Are you really going to let the rest of your life (ideally anyway) be determined by people other than yourself? If you are then you aren't old enough to be married. Sounds harsh but that is what i think.

So to my sisters, I say, "be discerning, know the goals you want in life and marry someone that not only respects your goals and your right to have goals, but also wants you to achieve them and is happy when you do."

Aiight I'm done.

Intro
Alright welcome to the latest edition of Sunday Corper. Like the last one, this is highly diary like, but the saving grace is that it is less about what I did than about what was going on in camp. Also you get a few descriptions about the camp. Oh and one last thing: please forgive me for the name of the piece.

A Kitless Wonder & Other Stories (Day 10)
I ran into my friends at about 7 at night wearing kits and I was surprised cause they haven't handed out any in ages. So I find out that the music instructor saw them in mufti and decided to exercise his non-existent authority by seizing their cards. After a bit of begging to a woman in one of the offices they got their cards back and were suitably scared enough to think about staying the night. The other thing of note was the football match that we won handily. After a frenzy of group pictures. Oh yeah the photographers running around asking everyone breathing if they want their picture taken are marginally less annoying than the vendors that go around shouting "recharge cards" for phones. Anyway after we did that and made our way back to our hostels (which look like burnt out buildings in Sarevjo) to shower we went to the Guiness Stand which was kinda wack. Not that many unattached babes hanging around the stand. There was also rugby going on on the satellite tv. yep we get cable in camp, how not rustic is that!. The internet stand was closed by this time and apprarently we're getting a Mr. Biggs tomorrow, leading one female corper to exclaim "How can they open a week after camp started they are going to drive people to steal." Pithy and prob. true.

Unnecessary Qualification
The statement about the Mr. Biggs is related to the crack about unattached girls, in that by the tenth day of camp most people were broke. That fact that there were not a lot of guys spending at the stand meant that the girls saw no reason to go. Most of the ones that went already knew who was going to be doing the spending. Aiight I'm done

So Confused and Mona blasted number 3 on my top ten list (Yes I know linking a page that is still visible is kinda pretentious but hey think of future readers.) Back to No. 3, they were right, it sucked. However I could not think of a succint and funny way to talk about how slang passed you by when you leave Naij. So mona was feeling with herself until I asked her to come up with one. This is what she came up with, in a nut shell.

When someone asks you to "find something for them" you ask "when did you last see it?"

Which is not bad and better than the original. However if you can think of some slang and a literal and plausible (and funny) response to it holla back in the comments. I'll put them all up and ask people to vote, and the replacement will make it into the original list properly sourced with all the attendant props.

So you think you're funny?

Prove it

General Point
This is not saying that a girl will be yours after two calls (though it has been known to happen). It is saying if you are going to do some of the inital blocking by phone, here are things you should do in the first two calls if you want there to be more than two calls. The other calls after are all jara but the first two set the stage. I mean if I had an identical twin brother who took over with no advance knowledge or briefing after the first two calls were done right, he could probably end up with the babe.

First: Ask For Number Yourself
Generally, asking a girl you just met for her number signals that you are attracted to her

Caveat.
On the other hand a girl giving you her number does not imply that she is attracted to you. See this post for my take on girls and their platonic friends.

Though if you ask a girl for her number and she tells you to get it from someone else, then you know she is not attracted to you. Well there are some cases where there is a valid reason, just like there are some cases where people win the lottery.

Second: How Long To First Call
So congratulations, you got the digits. Movies have beaten the whole “two day rule” thing to death. The only thing you shouldn’t do is what Jon Favreau’s character did in swingers (if you don’t know, you berra ask somebody). However because the two day rule is now cliché, if you wait more than two days the babe might start to think you are not interested.

Third: First Call
Your goal is to remind the girl that you are into her. Many guys think that it is about making the girl like you, but that is secondary to not ending up in the friend zone. Tell her she’s hot, tell her she sounds sexy, ask about her boyfriend. You can even do all three: “how come a hot, sexy babe like you doesn’t have a boyfriend.” The point is that you have to be clear that you are not looking for another friend. The second thing is that you must find a way to state your intentions; are you looking for a girlfriend, are you looking for sturves, are you looking for an occasional booty call. The third thing is that after you have stated your intentions push for a meet. As an aside, it is easier to get a girl to meet for drinks, rather than dinner cos it is less of a commitment. The reason you want a meet as soon as possible is that you have to push her to decide whether she is attracted to you especially on the terms that you have stated.

Fourth: She is not Attracted To You
First option is to stick with it, in which case I will refer you to the mugu post and be done with you. The second option is to call the babe, say you had fun and make some non-committal statement about how you should do it again.

Fifth: Second Call
However if she is attracted to you, the second call could vary depending on what your intentions are. You can do the general conversation thing that shows that you and her connect, or you can do the what you plan to do to/for/with her (oh and it doesn’t have to be sex you dirty minded people). However one other thing to make clear is that you had fun and you can’t wait to do it again (this call is not the “did you get home okay” call, that is just being polite).

Caveat
Also if the babe wants to take it slow, going on about how you wrote the kama sutra could mean you could burn your own cable. The flip side is that having an in depth conversation about the feminist critique of Quentin Tarantino movies when all she wants to know is “do you suck toes?” could have the same effect. Basically know the babe you are blocking. This is where I leave you but what I would say is that the phone is all well can good, but you want to meet up with the babe as much as you can.

Sixth: Final Words of Advice
When you call and she does not pick up, either leave a message or hang up. If you leave a message wait for her to call you back, and if you don’t, call her back only once preferably more than a couple of hours later. If she does not call you back after she gets your message or sees two missed calls from you, then she is not interested. In the same manner if you call her and she tells you she will call you back, wait for her to call you back. If she doesn’t then she is not interested. In some cases it may not be the case, but also in some cases Nollywood makes a movie with world class special effects.

Olawunmi and Uzo have been throwing down on politics and so feeling among, I have decided to toss in my two kobo. Now I am not going to talk about which candidate I support cos I have not actually heard any policy plans from any of the three major candidates. If as I expect, there won’t be any policy discussions then I will vote for the one that I think will do the least harm.

So what I want to talk about is the EFCC listing of corrupt candidates. My issue with this is that the impetus seems to be on the accused to prove their innocence. In what world is the burden of proof ever on the accused? Besides it is practically impossible to prove a negative which is what they are asking these candidates to do. Think about it publishing your accounts is not enough, you would have to publish the accounts or every one you know that could be possibly affiliated with you, and people affiliated with them, and so on and so forth.

That is why it is not enough for the EFCC to say there is N100 million missing from someone’s mandate, they have to show that the person actually took the money otherwise they have no case (ideally anyway).

Having said all that, the EFCC says they have evidence and most people think that the list was publish to pressurize corrupt individuals to withdraw from the race (for some reason, Tinubu dropped out). This is a noble goal, regardless of claims of political motivation. There seems to be a kind of plea bargain implied: withdraw from the race or get prosecuted (well at least for those without immunity).

There are two competing claims here, the need to sanitize our electoral process and the implications EFCC's actions will have on the whole "rule of law" thing. I honestly cannot decide which one trumps the other. Cos "rule of law" is necessary for development and democracy isn't. But corruption is a sure fire way to kill development. What do you think?

PS. Next post will be frivolous, I swear.

PPS. This post was very different before, but I thought about it some more and decided to change it.

Intro
The reason I didn't post this damn thing last week was cos I was kinda ashamed of it. I mean it is not awful writing or nothing, but because it is a diary in the old sense of the word. It is basically I did this, then I did that, and then the other. No analysis on anything whatsoever. See for me what u thought 'bout what u did, is more important than what u actually did. I'm on the whole "the unexamined life is not worth living" tip. Anyway judge for yourselves.

Football Frenzy (Day 9)
I think the man'o'war heading the drills must have heard me 'cause today he tried to prove to us that the drills we had before were nothing to write home about. I got through today and my hamstrings are begging for me to get out of camp as soon as I can. To make matters worse after sitting down for two hours on the hard parade ground and assembling for a bit of marching, I still played 2 hours of football. To my horror I found myself returning to my room at 7:30 bowing out of all social activities for the night. Since the guiness stand is the only choice between 7:30 and 9:45 (still in disbelief about that ). Two of my friends who were finally planning to spend the night recoiled in horror when they found out about the early closing time. I think they were planning to stay up to midnight partying each night; poor, poor naive souls. Anyway back to football; it's serious business and the training decided me that training with the team is all I am willing to do. Definitely not bombing up and down the touchlines like a no 3 should. Anyway I'm too tired to write anymore and so I'm done.

Unnecessary Qualification
Well I've already bitched about this in the intro and so I suppose I won't do that again. Though I do want to defend myself in that from the post I was clearly tired. Anyway I just took a peek at next weeks and though it is more descriptive... well anyway until then.

So for some reason I was feeling like Letterman and decided to come up with a top ten list. The numbering is somewhat arbitrary and so feel free to argue about that as much as you like. But with out further ado:

Number 10
You stop at all checkpoints, and are extremely polite to police when you do

Number 9
You carry all your money in one place

Number 8
If someone asks you to wear a suit (or a skirt suit) you think they are trying to kill you.

Number 7
Imodium is something you never leave home without

Number 6
You can barely resist the urge to point to the Chinese man on the okada

Number 5
You don't think about credit when using your MTN,GLO or Celltel

Number 4
Driving during the day is something other people do

Number 3
When someone asks you "how far" your first instinct is to say "over there"

Number 2
You have to take the accent out of your voice so people can understand you.

And the number 1 sign u've been away from Nigeria too long:

YOU CONVERT FROM NAIRA TO FOREX AND DON'T BUY COS THE THING IS TOO EXPENSIVE!!!

Have a good weekend!

On Movies

So I got this list of 239 movies from a friend with a tag that said if you have seen more than 85 of them you have no life. Now my friend had seen 153, which I thought was disgraceful until I did the damn thing and found out that I had seen 175. Some of the movies were random, but the list was general enough that most Nigerians I know would have seen around the same number as me. Though I would admit that I am probably one of the very, very few that actually saw Flubber (in the cinema no less).

This sounds funny now that I am a self-confessed tv and movie junkie, but when I was in A-levels and in college I never watched tv (apart from sports) and hardly ever went to the movies. Having said I would just like to thank Video-Net for adding luster to my secondary school days. Also AIT’s showing of pirated movies at night deserves an honorable mention. Anyway I got back into movies after I left college, for two reasons. The Nigerians I met after that were totally into movies (I saw Pluto Nash in the theatre!) and the Blockbuster thing that allowed you unlimited dvd rentals (two at a time) for a monthly fee. I got into tv shows for the first time cos I did my masters in a small town in the midlands and DC++ was a big part of uni life. I would also like to apologize to my housemates for the indiscriminate use of limewire in my last year in Jand. Though as I said then, what’s the bandwidth for if not to be used.

In closing, I just want to let you know that this post actually does not have a point (like u couldn’t tell already) but is just the ramblings of an imodium deprived individual. Still if you are curious about what your number would be, here is a link to a site that has the movie list. You can copy it into word and then follow the instructions. Also you could add a comment with your number if you wanna. Bragging rights go to those of u who can beat 175.

So I got an email about the Sexual Orientation Regulations that are about to be passed into law in England. From what I understand of the legislation, it is illegal to deny goods and services to people on the basis of sexual orientation. As you can expect religious groups are up in arms about this, saying that they should not be required to provide goods and services to people whose lifestyle they disapprove of. All the non-religious folk just love to point out that Christians and Muslims do not deny service to others “committing sin” so why should this group be any different, (for example a Muslim denying the use of his print shop to print gay pride flyers, but having no problem with someone printing flyers to a bring your own beer party) . To be honest I am yet to hear or read a satisfactory answer to that one. The argument of reverse discrimination comes close, as according to the daily telegraph a lesbian private club can not be challenged for its decision to make sexual orientation a criteria for membership. Though that argument does not hold water when you realize that some churches also make sexual orientation a criteria for membership. And in fact you could still sue the lesbian private club if once inside they refused to serve you because you weren't a lesbian.

The real issue here is the difference in the definition of “gay” between religious groups and the rest of society (at least in Britain). Religious groups think being gay is what you do, while the rest think that it is what you are. There is the rub, if you deny someone on the basis of a choice they have made then it can be okay, but if you deny them on the basis of what they are it is discrimination. I can tell you this for free; religious literalists can never accept the biological basis for homosexuality theory. If they did, then they have to accept that the God they serve is willing to punish people for something they have no control over. Basically I’m saying that both the position of the religious groups and the position of the lords are logical from each point of view.

However, I must say that religious groups place themselves in a bit of a bind when they state categorically that it is wrong to discriminate against homosexuals, and then in the next breath say that they want the right to discriminate against homosexuals in certain areas. What they seem to be saying is “homosexuals are free to do what they want unless what they want could involve me and mine.” All I can say is that that does not meet the definition of no discrimination that I was given.