INTRO

I recently received an email that detailed the depredation of armed robbers in the streets of Lagos over the September /October period. It was mostly focused on V/I and Ikoyi and primarily on the bank robberies and the like. Those incidents are rare, in that you can go your whole life in Lagos without being in one, however the more mundane incidents that affect you are rarely commented on. That’s right, I would argue that almost everyone has a story of a direct encounter with an armed robber on the streets of Lagos. I would also bet that everybody has personal knowledge of someone that has been in direct contact with these men of the night. By the grace of God, I am in the group that knows people who have been involved, and I decided to bring you a few tidbits that I had gleaned from some of their stories. Basically you can read the following as a few theories primarily concerned with avoiding armed robbers on the streets of Lagos.

JUST DON'T DO IT

“Just don't do it” is like abstinence for road users. The logic is also similar; if you are in your house the thieves cannot find you (well at least the road thieves sha). Going out only when you need to, is the best way to avoid being caught up in the random vagaries of the Lagos robbery scene. This philosophy is frequently espoused by parents of expatriate returnees :D

MOVE IT TO YOUR RIGHT!!!

This piece of advice is best illustrated by the accompanying story. My colleague was at the Lekki 1st roundabout one day when someone came up to his window in the time honoured style of Lagos robbers. The robber tapped on his glass and demanded the usual “phone watch wallet” combination. I think the robber had a crowbar rather than a gun. My friend was on the right side of the roundabout close to the curb, so he took time to stall, pretending he was reaching for his valuables, and he climbed the curb and zoomed off. So from that day on he stayed on the right side, allowing him access to the curb if robbers also come calling.

YOU DON'T EXIST !!!

The story here is a work of beauty that comes to you courtesy of another colleague; though this time his wife was the participant. She had been confronted by thieves on Ozumba Mbadiwe on the way from V/I to Lekki. Other than the frequency, the story is noteworthy because she was approached twice and her strategy worked both times. As you all know repeatability is the hallmark of a good scientific experiment. So a thief once walked up to her and knocked on the glass demanding the bag and the contents therein. My friend’s wife proceeded to look straight ahead leaving the robber tapping on the window trying to get her attention. She continued to ignore said robber and when traffic moved she moved. Just like that it worked, once and then it happened again and she did it again.

FORTUNE FAVORS THE BOLD

A friend of mine was on Osborne one day in traffic, a road with no curbs :D, when he was approached by two men who walked up to the side of his car. Standing side by side, they knocked on the glass, and one of them flashed the pistol. He was sitting there stuck, wondering what he was going to do when suddenly traffic opened up in front of him. Not stopping to think, he gunned his car into the available space and left the robbers in his wake. He proved an inspiration to others in his lane, as they quickly followed his action. The thieves were daunted by this and faded back into the bushes. He was hero for a day as the surrounding drivers hailed him for his bravery.

AKA SCAPEGOAT

I used to be a fan of the motorway variation of this technique during my long distance drives to and from university. The motorway variation was to have someone in front of you at all times going faster than you were so if a speed patrol was clocking someone it would pull him over for speeding first. The robber variation works the same way only you are worried about robbers and not cops :D. I know at least two people who have gotten away from armed robbers using this tactic, both were on third mainland which lends itself very well to the strategy. The caveat obviously is that it doesn't always work, like the time my friend was driving through Virginia and got pulled over as the last of a group of six speeders.

CONCLUSION

In closing I should say that there is no error proof way to avoid being robbed in Lagos. Granted it is kind of obvious but I thought I should say it anyway. We tend to put ourselves in the hands of God, though I suspect for most of us it is a rote thing like some Catholics and their rosaries. Still I thought I would share these stories because there is nothing like good news to brighten up a day.

PS. Someone sabotaged the main internet cable in Nigeria so access may be intermittent for a while (it took them 4 weeks to fix it last time). I will try to be as consistent as I can, but no promises. Laters.